How to Handle Deaths and Conduct Funerals

Death is an opportunity to serve people in need.

In small towns, it is good to go to the funeral home and volunteer to preach funerals if ever needed. Some people are irreligious and do not know any preacher to conduct their loved ones funeral. This can be an opportunity to serve a family in need and may open doors for evangelism.

What do I do when the notice of death comes to a family in the congregation?

Regardless of the time of day or night, go to the family. Find out where the family is (hospital, funeral home, house). Do not say, “I’ll be there.” Tell them, “I’m so sorry,” and then go. If you say you are coming, they may be about to leave the hospital and will feel duty-bound to stay. Go, and if they have left, track them down.

Be genuine. Silence can be extremely vocal, or if circumstances warrant, say something comfortable. Avoid phony platitudes.

Do not ask about arrangements. They won’t say anything about the funeral right then—it’s not appropriate. They’ll call later if they want you to conduct it. Do not assume that you will because sometimes they have a former preacher they want to ask, or someone in their family, or it may be a decision made in a larger family context, and another family member’s preacher may be asked to do the funeral.

A short visit is sufficient. Do not invade the privacy of the family by staying too long. If it is obvious that they need you to be there for support, then stay as long as they need you.

Do not ask to preach the sermon. If you do not know if you are supposed to do it, call the funeral home to ask, not the family.

If asked to conduct a funeral, cover all the bases. When they call regarding the funeral, go to the family and work out the details. It is usually best not to do it over the phone. In that meeting, take care of:

• Where?
• When?
• Would you like for the church to take care of pallbearers? If so, put someone in charge. Elderly men are often good choices as they will not have to take off from work and they add an air of dignity to it.
• Singing? Congregational, a few singers from church, or recorded? Funeral homes sometimes have recordings from Christian colleges (or the church library may). Do you have any special requests for songs?
• Is there anything that you want me to say, read, or observe at the funeral? If something is uncomfortable, you may say something like, “At the request of the family, he was a member of the masonic lodge.” Note that you did not endorse it.
• Will there be a second preacher involved? If yes, then ask them what part of the service the family wants each to do. Divide it into scripture reading, prayer, and sermon.

 Information about the service itself: 

• Use the obituary. It has much good information about family members and will help you not to leave anyone out. Ask a family member how to pronounce any unusual names before the service.
• Do not antagonize or strongly evangelize in the service. If the deceased was a Christian, tell what he/she did to prepare for this day (“Many years ago, Sister __ began a lifelong journey by believing in Jesus, turning from sin, and being immersed into Christ.”) If one was not a Christian, find something good to say. Tell them he loved his grandchildren.
• Do not give family a false hope. Talk about the good character traits this person had; accomplishments; deal with the subject of death itself in general terms.
• Don’t be cold and aloof.