Preparation for Marriage in the Home: Part 2

Introduction

  1. In the last lesson the following things were studied:
    1. The need of courtship.
    2. What is the object of courtship?
    3. Admonitions to keep in mind during courtship.
  2. In this lesson a study will be made of the things that should be considered in the selection of a companion for life.

 

  1. Some General Observations
    1. In looking for a mate one should remember that he is not left to blind fate.
    2. One should remember that marriage is for life and is not entered into on a trial basis.
  2. Things One Should Consider In the Selection of a Wife
    1. Does she seek God’s will first; is she a genuine Christian? Remember that you cannot have a Christian home without Christianity, and this embraces each member of the family being a Christian.
    2. Is she scripturally qualified? (Matthew 19:3-9)
    3. Does she have associates that I like?
    4. Is she liked by my friends and kinsmen?
    5. Is she neat and orderly in her appearance and work; is she self-respectful?
    6. Is she practical and will she live cheerfully on the income provided? (“Unhappy is the man who marries an ‘automobile wife’ on a ‘bicycle salary’.”)
    7. Is she thoughtful about small things?
    8. Does she love me?
      1. Ephesians 5:23-33; Titus 2:5; 1 Corinthians 13
      2. The difference between love and infatuation will be discussed in next week’s lesson.
    9. Is she industrious?
    10. Does she possess a Christian disposition?
    11. Does she manage her time wisely?
    12. Is she agreeable, but not at the expense of truth?
    13. Is she a champion cook?
    14. Is she child-cherishing and home-loving?
    15. Is she cheerful, charming, and compassionate?
    16. The following things characterize the worthy woman of Proverbs 31 and these should be considered:
      1. Virtuous—verse 10
      2. Trustworthy—verse 11
      3. Helpful—verse 12
      4. Industrious—verse 13
      5. Prudent—verse 16
      6. Discerning—verse 18
      7. Respect—verses 21-22
      8. Happy—verse 25
      9. Wise—verse 26
      10. Kind—verse 26
      11. God-Fearing—verse 30
      12. Benevolent—verse 20
    17. One boy said; “Give me a strong, sound, and sociable, serious, sensible servant of our Savior, burdened for souls and selected for the same field of service as I.” Also he said, “The worst predicament possible for me would be an unhappy marriage. Therefore, take away the nagging neurotic, the giggling no-account, the gossiping gad-about, the spend-thrift social-light, and the painted plutocrat; a mixture of artificialities which leaves me in doubt where the hum-bug ends and the woman begins.”
  3. Things One Should Consider In the Selection of a Husband
    1. Does he love the Lord with his whole heart and does he serve him well; is he a genuine Christian?
    2. Is he a servant of mankind?
    3. Is he quiet and serious by nature but possesses a gratifying sense of humor?
    4. Does he possess nobility of character? Marriage is not a reformatory. If the basic qualities of character are not there, it is difficult to create them after marriage.
    5. Does he possess gentleness of spirit?
    6. Is he aggressive, not slothful, but fervent? Can he accept responsibility? Does he possess “stick-to-itiveness”?
    7. Is he friendly and courteous?
    8. What is his background? It is true that one is not marrying the family but the individual; but the individual is so much a part of his background. Such questions as “are they happy?”, “are they of good character?”, “does he love his brothers and sisters?” should be asked.
    9. Is he a man of integrity? The marriage vows are no more dependable than the integrity of the two who take them. Can you count on his word? Is he absolutely honest?
    10. Are his manners above reproach; would I be ashamed of him?
    11. Is his conversation that which becomes the son of a king?
    12. Is he patient, kind, forgiving, willing to acknowledge his own short-comings, rather than to judge another?
    13. Is he happy? Never marry a grouch; one who gets more pleasure out of fussing about the thorns on the rosebush than beholding the beauty of the rose itself.
    14. One girl said concerning her future mate, “I’ll be a busy help-mate when I find him for I’ll be everlastingly patching his clothes, especially the knees of his trousers!”
  4. Marry in the Lord
    1. Christians have the same likes and dislikes and are very much alike in sentiments, emotions, interest, etc. Therefore, Christians are better suited for each other.
    2. Make a serious study of the following passages:
      1. 1 Corinthians 7:39. Consider: Here is a widow and she has two grown daughters. They have the right to marry. Will God restrict the mother and not the daughters? The mother is more experienced and if there is to be any restrictions, it seems more plausible that the daughters should be restricted. Read carefully the comments that Albert Barnes makes in his commentary on this passage.
      2. Genesis 6:1-2
      3. Genesis 24:2-3
      4. Genesis 28:1-2
      5. Deuteronomy 7:3-5
      6. 1 Kings 11:1-13
      7. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (Observe the rendering of McKnight in his Apostolical Epistles.)
      8. Nehemiah 13:23-27
      9. 1 Corinthians 9:5
      10. Mark 3:25
      11. Amos 3:3
    3. The parents of John the Baptist were both righteous before God (Luke 1:6).
    4. Good reasons for not marrying a non-Christian:
      1. Consider what it will do to the one you marry. Observe the comments on page 8 of the tract “I Married a Catholic.” Also, observe the comments on page 4 of this tract. Observe the comments on pages 26 and 27 of the published Herald of Truth sermons, March 1959. Therefore, when you marry a non-Christian, you have jeopardized the happiness of your companion.
      2. Marrying a non-Christian increase the chances of divorce. From a study of some 4,108 marriages which ended in separation or divorce, it was learned that 57 of them involved couples in which both parties belonged to the same church; but, when marriage was a mixed one, between two protestants the figure jumped to 157 and 21% in cases involving a Catholic husband and a protestant wife. Someone may say, ‘those percentages are not so great’ but they are quite significant when one remembers that 597 of those whose marriages were studied claimed no religious affiliation whatsoever.”
      3. Consider what it will do to your children. They will be helpless victims, the real tragedies. In a divided home religiously, children must choose and that’s painful! According to many experts, much of our juvenile delinquency is caused by religious differences in the home. Some adoption agencies will not consider placing a child in a home of a mixed marriage.
      4. Consider what it will do to the church of our Lord.
        1. Statistics indicate that many who contract mixed marriages leave the church all together. This is serious because the individual’s soul is at stake. Also, this is serious because marriage is supposed to build the church. But according to this, it can break it down.
        2. One reason why the problem of religion is made so difficult in a mixed marriage is that a Christian cannot make any compromise with that which is not a Christian activity.
  5. Attitudes of some concerning marrying a non-Christian
    1. “I know of a case that worked out.” Some have married drunkards and gamblers who later quit, but who would want to marry a drunkard or gambler? If you were going to ride a train across the country during a nationwide rail strike, when trains were being wrecked, and the ticket agent told you that trains once in a while got through without being wrecked, would you board the train?
    2. “Ours will work out because we are in love?” Remember that your love is to God first (Matthew 22:37; 6:33). What is going to be the standard by which you will work things out?
    3. “We will worry about the children later.” This is extremely selfish, when one considers the effect that mixed marriages have on a child. Imagine how your heart will bleed to see the children led into denominationalism or just staying at home because of the influence of your non-Christian companion. Observe the comment on pages of 3, 4, 5, and 6 of the tract “I Married a Catholic.”
    4. “We will just not talk about it.” Imagine keeping silent day after day, year after year, about one’s most treasured possession.
    5. “I’ll convert him later.” Never marry an individual to change them for the altar never alters them and the rites never right them. Usually the one that is to be evangelized resents it. The advice of all preachers, regardless of religious affiliation, advise against mixed marriages. Before marriage is the time to convert the individual.
    6. The way to avoid marrying a non-Christian is to never make it a habit dating non-Christians. Read the article pinned-by the late Jack Meyer, “Young People Dating Non-Christians.”
  6. A Further Choice
    1. The young should not marry the old and infirm.
    2. The rich and poor do not have enough in common for a successful marriage usually.
    3. The educated and illiterate already have chasm between them.
    4. A faithful member of the Lord’s church should not marry a backslider.

Conclusion

In the selection of a wife, the boy should remember that his selection of a wife will be the queen of his home and the mother of his children.

In the selection of a husband, the girl should remember that her selection of a husband will be the head of her home and heart and the one for whom she will leave her family and give up her name.