Adapted from Wendell Winkler, The Preacher and His Work (c. 1987)

Rules and suggestions:

  1. Show genuine concern. Have a good heart. Pray about developing a heart like Christ for the hurting.
  2. Have a listening ear. This is counseling, and to counsel one must clearly understand what the person is thinking. Listening (understanding) is one element of what people really need. Don’t be shocked about what people will say. (See John Drakefore– The Power of the Listening Ear.)
  3. Think before you speak. Make sure you know all the facts before giving suggestions.
  4. Know the appropriate Bible teachings (pertaining to marriage, adultery, parenting, and addiction) and give the Bible answer. You are a preacher. People are expecting the Bible answer. This will give you confidence.
  5. Read appropriate materials to train. Attend seminars if available (but be selective).
  6. Remember the grace of referral. Realize your limitations. There are those who are professionally trained to handle serious issues. Refer to
    1. a psychologist (be careful they are coming from the Christian perspective)
    2. a doctor
    3. an elder
    4. an older woman
  7. Maintain confidentiality.
  8. Use elders as co-counselors. They often have practical wisdom, having learned in the school of hard knocks. They watch for souls (Hebrews 13:17). Before you call them, ask if it’s okay with the one being counselled.
  9. Avoid the “I’m a great counsellor” attitude.
  10. Assure the person of your interest and respect, though they have problems. I love you in spite of what you have done. Sometimes it will be bad. Assure the person that you will likely not remember what is said in the session and that you will not use them as a sermon illustration. Fix it when you leave so they won’t be ashamed to see you again. You don’t want them to avoid you.

If counseling a woman…

  1. Avoid isolation. Even at the church building, one may be isolated if no one else is on the premises or behind a closed door. Avoid this! Consider asking elders to put in a door that has a window or that is made of glass so there can be no accusations.
  2. Have your wife present or some other member of the church (such as an elder).
  3. A good place to counsel is at your home, if your wife is present.
  4. Never counsel alone at her house or yours. Keep the door open 12 inches at least.
  5. Many have fallen or been entrapped.